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Glenn Quagmire
Glenn Quagmire is the sex-crazed, perverted neighbor of the Griffins. Quagmire is a former ensign of the U.S. Navy, where he met Peter Griffin. In "Meet the Quagmires", it is established that he already knew Peter and his future wife Lois Pewterschmidt. He currently works as an airline pilot. Quagmire is 5'8" tall and 61 years old, according to his driver's license in "FOX-y Lady". He explains that he makes himself look younger by consuming carrots. Glenn currently resides at 29 Spooner Street, Quahog, Rhode Island. His catchphrase "Giggity" has been used many times in popular culture since the beginning of the show in 1999, such as in a in Progressive automobile insurance advertisement and the January 4, 2011 episode of Around the Horn. History Years ago, Quagmire used to go out with Cheryl Tiegs, whom he loved. Unfortunately, he lost her, and has tried to fill the hole she left by having sex with women. He has pictures of Lois in his house, including on the inside of his closet door. He was once arrested for peeping on Lois in the girls' bathroom. He was also briefly married to a maniac named Joan. She died after clutching onto Death's arm. Quagmire is currently a widower, although this is no problem for him, as he can now get it on with more girls, without having to worry about cheating. In "420", Quagmire gets a new pet cat named James. Tragically, when Quagmire went to Vermont to buy a present for James, Peter, Cleveland, and Brian, go over to Quagmire's to shave James as a prank, which backfired when Peter accidentally stabs James. Peter reveals this when Quagmire offers an award for knowing where James is simply to take the award. In his spare time, he is a voracious reader, and participates regularly in local Book Club meetings. He has a sister who gets beaten by her boyfriend and a deaf brother. He also has a son in Madrid, Spain who greatly resembles Quagmire, but with a snappy mustache and a ponytail, as seen in "Peter's Got Woods" despite claiming never to have had sex with a Spanish woman. However, it is possible he does not know the difference since he was with Tricia Takanawa when he made the claim. He also seems to have several illegitimate children in Quahog, some of whom go to Martin Mull Elementary School, as seen in "Tales of a Third Grade Nothing". Of all his known illegitimate children, the only one with whom he has attempted to develop a relatioship and take care of is Anna Lee Quagmire, who is dropped off at his doorstep in "Quagmire's Baby". He ends up giving her to adoption to give her a better life than he could ever provide. Even though Quagmire was the first person Cleveland informed about the spin-off, after Cleveland moved away, Quagmire has shown nothing but jealousy toward Cleveland, to the point of convincing himself that he was getting a spin-off and after delivering Loretta's deceased body, calling Cleveland "Joey". This jealousy has not ceased, as in the first season finale of The Cleveland Show, he and Peter attend Cleveland's parents wedding, and Quagmire asks Peter if he can have his own show, but Peter says he can't because he's a rapist. Personality Quagmire is often seen saying "all right" while rocking his head back and forwards in an amusing way. Quagmire has been shown to be extremely affectionate towards animals, specifically a cat he named James in "420". Quagmire came across as obsessive about his new pet, making his friends sign a birthday card for his cat. Although Quagmire gets along very well with most people, it's revealed in "Jerome Is the New Black" that he greatly dislikes Brian for the following reasons: * He constantly hits on Lois, even when Peter pays for his food and saved him from certain death. * He poops all over the yard as well. According to Quagmire, it adds additional insult to Peter; alongside hitting on his wife. * He is not trustworthy and never pays for anything, including debts and taxes; when asked to pay, he always remarks that he'll "get you later," but "later" never comes. * He pretends to be a deep guy who loves women for their souls when, in reality, he only dates bimbos. * He's a terrible writer who he thinks he's great when all he does is plagiarize things off the internet. * He's done nothing to help despite his liberal beliefs. * He thinks that he's so great just because drives he a Prius. In which Quagmire says "driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ!" * He doesn't believe in religion and thinks it's for idiots. * He failed college twice. * He's a failure as a father and never sees his son. * He's a big, sad, alcoholic bore. Ironically, Quagmire has hit on Lois as well, but claims to be honest about dating women for their bodies. Though what makes Brian and Quagmire's desires towards Lois different, is that while Quagmire is only interested in sex, Brian's beliefs as shown in Play It Again, Brian are that Lois is more deserving of him, due to Peter often neglecting his wife for selfish interests and that they have more things in common. The conflict between him and Brian continues in "Quagmire's Dad" when Quagmire beats up Brian for dating his sex-changed father, despite that Brian wasn't aware of this until Stewie told him just before Quagmire arrived. Brian gets the last word, however, when he says to Quagmire, "I fucked your dad." Since then, the running gag has been whenever the two interact, Quagmire has been very rude to Brian, despite that Brian is trying to be polite. It usually ends where Quagmire quickly points out Brian's faults, or Brian inadvertently causes a situation that makes Quagmire hate him even more such as what happened with his 5-year old niece Abby. Sexual Behavior :Girl: Wow, that was great! :Quagmire: Yeah, it was! See ya. :Girl: But you said we'd get married! :Quagmire: Nah, I only said that so that you'd ga-googity my gaschmorgen. (a la Woody Woodpecker) Hahaha HA ha! Hahaha HA ha! According to the Las Vegas CD, Quagmire has had sex with at least 600 women. He has a foot fetish. In the episode "Baby Not On Board", Quagmire gets an erection from watching the DirecTV help video. When Cleveland asks if there is anything that does not turn Quagmire on, we find out that the answer is "people who say the word 'rubbish' when they mean 'garbage'." He also occasionally visits the local prison so he can have sex with the female prisoners. In "Emission Impossible", when Peter and Lois asked Quagmire to watch their kids, he agreed, but began to say, "In accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you that..." before cutting himself off and accepting the children anyway. This suggests that Quagmire is a registered sex offender. During a stint on The Bachelorette, Quagmire brought Brooke to his mother's, where he wanted a three-way with them. This hint at an incestuous relationship with his mother could answer several questions about Quagmire's sexual obsessions (though raising many more). Quagmire also seems to have an affinity with rape because in Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?, when Stewie pretends to be a cheerleader he encounters a gagged cheerleader in the male toilets and appears ready to have sex with her. In the episode Fore Father, during his attempt to rape a woman from the postal service outside his house, it is revealed that Quagmire's body has built up an immunity to Mace due to it being used on him so many times. Quagmire is also not above date rape, as shown how while being on the Bachelorette, where he drugged Brookes drink, only to run off with one of her shoes, after realizing their date was being filmed. Also in Stuck Together, Torn Apart, a waiter at a restaurant asked Quagmire if he wanted the usual drink with a roofie, a known date rape drug to his female companion, something that Quagmire denies when he is with Lois, but later orders when he hooked up with Peter's date Jennifer Love Hewitt. Also, in Baby, You Knock Me Out he can be seen dragging away the unconscious female boxer that Lois had just fought. He also does not seem to care exactly what he has sex with as long as it's a girl and he's happy as in Barely Legal in which a giraffe starts to lick him before he realized what was happening and he then chased it away because it wasn't the same giraffe from the previous night. In various episodes such as It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One, Quagmire has been known to rig furniture to subdue and forcibly remove a person's clothes, such as when Peter sat on a chair, the chair was set up to use sleeping gas on him and then remove his clothes. It is also shown that Quagmire also engages in necrophilia; this is shown in such situations as when Death killed Joan in "I Take Thee Quagmire", he asked if he could leave the body with him for 5 minutes, and he is shown jumping out of a coffin half-naked in a DVD-only scene in "Airport '07." He once said that if he could be with any woman in the world, he would choose Taylor Hanson, not realizing that Taylor Hanson is actually a guy. Surprisingly, it wasn't until "Family Goy" that he discovered internet porn. Two days later, it is revealed that he masturbates with his left hand. He imagined himself as a condom in Extra Large Medium, but didn't realize the condom was for 2 gay guys. Theme Song Quagmire has his own theme song, as seen in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do" and "Airport '07", although the theme song is only shown on the DVD version of the latter episode. It usually starts off with an announcer saying "Who else but Quagmire?", and then it goes into an opening sequence featuring his face against a background of changing colors, while studio singers sing the theme song, with Quagmire singing the last line; :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :You never really know what he's gonna do next :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :Giggity giggity giggity giggity, let's have sex! The sequence then cuts to a setting that is supposed to be entirely serious. So far, a fancy dinner party and a funeral for a young woman who died a virgin have been shown. Quagmire will then perform an outrageous act, much to the surprise of the bystanders. During the dinner party sequence, where he was dressed as a waiter, he stripped down to his underwear and danced upon the table. During the funeral, he popped out of the coffin in his underwear and danced offscreen, implying that he had sex with the corpse. The presumed "closing credits" sequence is almost identical to the opening sequence, except the theme song is performed thusly; :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :Giggity giggity goo! Relatives *Mrs. Quagmire(mother) *Mittens (cat) *Joan Quagmire (wife, deceased) *''A White Third Grader'' (illegitimate son) *''A Retarded Third Grader'' (illegitimate son) *''Hispanic Third Grader'' (illegitimate son) *''A Spanish man'' (illegitimate son) *Unknown Grandfather (Grandfather, deceased) *James (cat, deceased) *Anna Lee Quagmire (daughter) *Harriet Quagmire (sister) *Deaf Brother (brother) *Dan/Ida Quagmire (Father) *Abby (niece) Trivia * Quagmire is very similar to the character Boomhauer on King of the Hill. Both are womanizers, both are almost always referred to by their last name, both are voiced by their respective show's creator/voice of the main adult male character, and both drive classic cars. * Quagmire is also similar to Ned Flanders of The Simpsons, in the way that he is much older than he looks. Their catchphrases are words not found in the English language. * Quagmire stalks Lois at times, sometimes in the living room when Peter and Lois or a family member talk and a sexual comment is made to Lois you can hear Quagmire say "OH YA!!", "OH!!" or "Giggity" without him being in the conversation. * He has a foot fetish. * He is building a sex doll reminiscent of Lois. * Quagmire possesses every disease known to man. Category:Spooner Street Neighbors Category:Quagmire Family